A Life Worth Living?

I sit here mind going to that dark place once more thinking about how the world would be better of without me and I truly believe it. As it is now I have nothing to offer nothing to share but I want to find that spark that joy that is life. I think of what could be and and hope that some day soon I can say that I have lived. Today is not that day, this day I am in a mood of hopelessness and disrepair

It is not that easy fro me to convey how my mind works or why I would like to not be alive, there is just something in me that is broken, lost and would love to fix it yet I do nothing but waste away. IF only I could see myself as more than a waste, something that is living and not a waste.

I do hope and dream. I want more than what I have as does every other person that is out there but I do not go out and do what is needed. I need help and I do receive some but I need more. Medication and therapy only do so much what is left is up to me and I am the one who sees myself as this waist so how in the world am I going to find value in something I despise.

I seek a life worth living and I will do more to achieve it but I need someone who has no reason to say “You are worth it” Without it I am just an empty shell void of any determination to do what must be done.


I did not want to but I will still post this and hope that someone would give me feedback on it

Self Worth

Finding value in ones self is not an easy thing to do. I for one do not know my true worth, I am lost in this world. Searching, waiting for something to find me, something that is never going to just come to me and say hey I am what you seek. Yet I wait I do not move and life passes me by. I try to find things that make me think that push me further than where I am and move but not as fast as I want. I want more I want a life and I want to live it.

I have plans and thoughts, dreams ambitions and many things that can be done with effort. Yet I have not motivation to do any of it. I can become more if I just pushed harder and overcame the weakness that is within me. To rise up and grab hold of something that is solid something that is moving. I can not do this alone I can not do this without a helping hand.

Asking For your Help!

I would like who ever is reading this to go and check out and read it and if you can give me your feedback if you can not donate.

Low Mood:Depresion

It is not good at all when your mood gos from a happy one to a sad one with out any real reason. From having fund to wanting to die without any notice or real cause.
Yes I am sad that I have yet to get one donation for my indiegogo even if it is just day one. But that is not what set me off. I do not even know what set me off I just had my feeling hurt and took it too hard. Over a game, relay. Am I this messed up that I got upset by not being able to play the way I wanted. Yes and it sucks! I want a normal life I want to live I want to enjoy things and not get depressed when someone does something so minute. Odd thing I am done with the game I just left it. It is not an only game or a video game but one played in the mind called Dungeons and Dragons.
I got upset over not being able to play “smart” I am not one to “meta” but I felt that my character was going to be different to try and play something to try and be part of a world that is full of magic and wonder. And than told nope that is not common your character would not know it by the DM hurt. It is a world of magic and wonder, a world where the player is playing someone that is not typical.
A bit of a rant yes but you know what if I can not get that thing funded I shall need to find a way to live and to express myself. And to the few that read this if any as all I get is likes and subs but no comments would be nice to hear something even an insult.

In Need of a Helping Hand

I posted yesterday about my indiegogo and well as I see it may not get done. There is still time a month in fact to get it funded.
Why would someone fund this?
I have asked myself this a few times and deep down there is an answer that I can not bring to the surface. I know what I want to do with the money and it is more than buying a computer. I have lived a life of depression and self hate that I find my own feelings to be nothing more than a joke. I want to explore something new in life to do something that I think is good for me.

What Are You Asking?
I am asking for money. I am asking four you to buy into something that has no value, Me. I truly see myself as a waste and well with this I shall have all the proof I need. Yet I want to improve, to rise up above my self destruction and this is me reaching up for someone to pull me out of this hole that I have dug myself into.

More Than Just Games
With this funded I will do more than just games I will reach deep within and start to explore myself. I shall blog about what I feel and how my thoughts effect me and the people around me. I will prove to myself that I have value and that life is worth living.

How is Having Someone buy You a Better Computer Going to help?
It will help by allowing me to step away from the limitations I have now. I will use the improved computer to work on things that will provide entertainment for others. Enjoyment for both me and the people that support this project.

So What do I need to do if I want to Help?\
Go over to Lets Build: My Life with a New Computer and donate a dollar. The thing with crowd funding is everyone can help.