If I Won pch.com SET FOR LIFE

About a year ago I wrote what I would do If I Had a Million Dollars well today I am going to think and ponder on what I would do if I won http://www.pch.com/ “SET FOR LIFE”

If I Won pch.com SET FOR LIFE
As it stands I live yet I am not living. You see I just exist, I have no job, car or any real source of income. I stay with my grandmother and before that my sister. I am a waste. I take up resources that could be put to better use. I am trying to get on disability to try and climb out of this hole that I have dug myself into.

Now in the past I have worked, saved money and well had a life but things have taken a toll on me that well if with out the support of people that love me I would no be here today. Yes others have it worse and still live day by day but you know what I am not them I am me. And in my mind I am not worth anything, I have nothing to strive for nothing to reach out for. I am just – well I do not truly know -…

I have prayed for many things death being one of them. Today I pray for life and a way to live it. Approval for my disability claim would be great but today I am here to pray and ask for even more. To be set for life.

One of the first things I would do is repay the people who have been kind to me. It would not take much as true loved ones would not ask for more than they need.
Once that is set I would move on to me, an investment in myself and my future. I would learn. The things I want to learn are vast; languages, computer programming, writing, world religions, and yet that is just the start to what I want to learn. There are just too many things I want to know.

I would build upon the cash flow that I have and create a non-profit organization. I would share with others this new found wealth. I would be able to create jobs for people that I know, real jobs that have an affect on the world around not just paying them to do nothing.

Lets be real this money would be income so it would be taxed so I would not exactly have the full $7,000 lets say I end up getting $4,000 a week after all taxes are taken out. Yea that is a lot considering me and my grand mother only live of 7k a year.

So we are going to work with this 4k a week and think about how we would spend it. Nothing from above would change I would invest in myself and people I know, work to create jobs from this influx in cash that I have and well try to live a life -short and sweet- I would improve, well I hope I would but money is not a cure in fact it could cause more harm than good if not thought out on how and what you want to use it on. And getting so much so quickly would well be world changing for nearly anyone.

With the new found wealth I would buy a car, house and well a good computer setup for myself. I live and breath on the internet and if you read any of my past post you would see this. I hope and dream that I win but the chances are slim and well I am not going to hold my breath.

I have mostly rambled and yet I am not done many of you have left now and to any that is still reading this, thank you.

It is not easy to say exactly what I would do with this new found wealth. I know what I would want to do with it but to actually do it is another thing. What ifs and dreams are not reality and we never know who we are until we are put to the test. I want to say I would not succumb to greed, that I would do my best to over come my depression but we are not sure. For all I know I get this cash and well find it not enough or find that it is too much. What then? Life is harsh and well money is just one part of it. with out the people to love we are alone and to think that money will be the end all be all is just dumb. I want to live a life not buy one.

Yet I hope that I win, just to prove to myself that I am worth it. Sigh, the more I think about it the more depressed I get. I want money, I need it.

… maybe this was not a good ideal but what ever.

What Is PCH “SET FOR LIFE”?
Well it is a chance to win $7,000 a week for the rest of your life. For more info just check out there site.

Self Defeat

Life is a journey, one that I have traveled with hardship and self loathing. Time and time again, I try to reset, reformat myself into something that is not mine. I seek out the impossible, unattainable, and downright useless part of who I am. I’ve lost long before I began, do with the fact that I am not trying to change I do not want to move past this comfort zone that I am in.

Days turn into weeks, months and then years, and yet I have not improved, I have not moved passed the loathing and despair that I feel towards myself. I am selfish, spoiled an unworthy of life, yet I live, I survive for what? For what reason am I even alive, as I have nothing to offer this world.

By my own will, I am defeated, lost, my mind scattered into an endless mess. There is no grace no hope within me, yet I am alive, I am wasting time, energy and resources that could be used for anyone other than me.
Yet even with all that I want to move past it all and do something with my life. I dream of waking and moving past this anguish that I endure. To climb out of this self dug hole that I am in. To rise above all of it and become something more.

Awakening

It is time for me to wake up, time for me to set out and finish something that I have began. This path that I am on will not lead me to the place I wish to go. I must depart this mindset and start fresh. It will not be easy but it shall be worth it. What I am to do I do not know. How I am to wake up and start living, well this is something I have not put much time in.
I know in my heart that I must change, I must become something more, that I am worth a lot more than I give myself credit for. Yet each day is a waste, each moment lost. I must wake up, I must see the light and I must move forward. I have done this same thing many times. I want this one to be the one that puts me on a path of improvement, a path of self enlightenment.
This moment now is one that must last one that can not be undone. The fog of my mind must stay clear and I shall do my best to not fall back into the dreadful sleep of self doubt, despair and self loathing.

God give me the strength I need to fight. The power to wake up when I once again began to fall asleep. The motivation to move forward and the wisdom I need to complete the things I set my mind on.

Qyxzah: Basic Info

This post will just be some basic info about Qyxzah no story yet.

Edition: D&D 5th
Race:Human
Class:Cleric
Rolled: 17, 17, 13,13 12 10
Using https://app.roll20.net to play the game online.
This is a solo game so jut me and a DM.
Starting level: 1st
Domain: Tempest
The game will be using feats and with that I used variant human traits.
Human traits: +1 Wis, +1 Str, Feat(Tavern Brawler), Skill(Perception)

To power players Tavern Brawler may not be the best feat but it shall fit the background I am going to write.

Stats at level 1:STR:14(+2) DEX:13(+1) CON:18(+4) INT:10(0) WIS:18(+4) CHA:12(+1)
HP:12 AC:17(Scale Mail, Shield,+1 DEX)
Weapon: Warhammer

I am creating a custom background but used the Outlander background feature wanderer.
Skills(nature, survival)
Languages(Gnomish)
Tool proficiency(Herbalism kit)

Get the Player Hand Book Link Below

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Dream Life

If things where at there best or at least as good as I can get it. This is what  I would like my life to be like.

I would awake in a home that I own with someone I love next to me. I would ready myself for the day ahead one without stress or frustration. The day would consist of me doing the things that make me happy; reading a book, watching a movie or TV show, playing a game on the computer, spending time with the people I love and may other things.

I understand that his could be real if I worked if I strive to achieve this dream it will become life. I have lived for over three decades and I have not done anything to improve my well being. It is time to change time to wake up and stop dreaming and to make my life what I want it to be. Yet I can not do this alone, I need help and seek it not from any that read this but from the people that are in my life. I need to find my path and follow it to the life that I deserve.