Moving Forward

For some time now I have looked at what is in front of me as an obstacle that I could not overcome. Time was that i would just allow myself to suffer my own regrets and think that I am not someone worth anything, this day I find out that I was just afraid and I still am. Life is fleeting but changes take time, I see this now. With this new outlook I think it is time to change myself for the better.

I am still working on how at the moment but I know I can improve on who I am and who I shall become. I am the one controlling my life, I am the one who shall change what is to be. It is a shock that I know that I am smart, I understand my strengths and weaknesses but I just let life pass me. I shall now move on and change this and it will take time and most of all effort on my part.

Motivation is key to my success and it can no be forced as that would lead me back to my self destructive ways and I am moving past that. Hopes and dreams fill me and I see that I can not move on unless I embrace the myself with positive thoughts and ideals, no longer can I berate myself. You see I need to shed the fear,anger and self hate and rise up out of the destruction that I have caused to myself. There is no real destination only the journey forward to something new and exciting.

Even if the world dos not see value in me, well the small amount that have seen http://www.indiegogo.com/at/restart I see something that is more, something priceless.

A Life Worth Living?

I sit here mind going to that dark place once more thinking about how the world would be better of without me and I truly believe it. As it is now I have nothing to offer nothing to share but I want to find that spark that joy that is life. I think of what could be and and hope that some day soon I can say that I have lived. Today is not that day, this day I am in a mood of hopelessness and disrepair

It is not that easy fro me to convey how my mind works or why I would like to not be alive, there is just something in me that is broken, lost and would love to fix it yet I do nothing but waste away. IF only I could see myself as more than a waste, something that is living and not a waste.

I do hope and dream. I want more than what I have as does every other person that is out there but I do not go out and do what is needed. I need help and I do receive some but I need more. Medication and therapy only do so much what is left is up to me and I am the one who sees myself as this waist so how in the world am I going to find value in something I despise.

I seek a life worth living and I will do more to achieve it but I need someone who has no reason to say “You are worth it” Without it I am just an empty shell void of any determination to do what must be done.

 

I did not want to but I will still post this and hope that someone would give me feedback on it