Awakening

It is time for me to wake up, time for me to set out and finish something that I have began. This path that I am on will not lead me to the place I wish to go. I must depart this mindset and start fresh. It will not be easy but it shall be worth it. What I am to do I do not know. How I am to wake up and start living, well this is something I have not put much time in.
I know in my heart that I must change, I must become something more, that I am worth a lot more than I give myself credit for. Yet each day is a waste, each moment lost. I must wake up, I must see the light and I must move forward. I have done this same thing many times. I want this one to be the one that puts me on a path of improvement, a path of self enlightenment.
This moment now is one that must last one that can not be undone. The fog of my mind must stay clear and I shall do my best to not fall back into the dreadful sleep of self doubt, despair and self loathing.

God give me the strength I need to fight. The power to wake up when I once again began to fall asleep. The motivation to move forward and the wisdom I need to complete the things I set my mind on.

Moving Forward

For some time now I have looked at what is in front of me as an obstacle that I could not overcome. Time was that i would just allow myself to suffer my own regrets and think that I am not someone worth anything, this day I find out that I was just afraid and I still am. Life is fleeting but changes take time, I see this now. With this new outlook I think it is time to change myself for the better.

I am still working on how at the moment but I know I can improve on who I am and who I shall become. I am the one controlling my life, I am the one who shall change what is to be. It is a shock that I know that I am smart, I understand my strengths and weaknesses but I just let life pass me. I shall now move on and change this and it will take time and most of all effort on my part.

Motivation is key to my success and it can no be forced as that would lead me back to my self destructive ways and I am moving past that. Hopes and dreams fill me and I see that I can not move on unless I embrace the myself with positive thoughts and ideals, no longer can I berate myself. You see I need to shed the fear,anger and self hate and rise up out of the destruction that I have caused to myself. There is no real destination only the journey forward to something new and exciting.

Even if the world dos not see value in me, well the small amount that have seen http://www.indiegogo.com/at/restart I see something that is more, something priceless.

A Life Worth Living?

I sit here mind going to that dark place once more thinking about how the world would be better of without me and I truly believe it. As it is now I have nothing to offer nothing to share but I want to find that spark that joy that is life. I think of what could be and and hope that some day soon I can say that I have lived. Today is not that day, this day I am in a mood of hopelessness and disrepair

It is not that easy fro me to convey how my mind works or why I would like to not be alive, there is just something in me that is broken, lost and would love to fix it yet I do nothing but waste away. IF only I could see myself as more than a waste, something that is living and not a waste.

I do hope and dream. I want more than what I have as does every other person that is out there but I do not go out and do what is needed. I need help and I do receive some but I need more. Medication and therapy only do so much what is left is up to me and I am the one who sees myself as this waist so how in the world am I going to find value in something I despise.

I seek a life worth living and I will do more to achieve it but I need someone who has no reason to say “You are worth it” Without it I am just an empty shell void of any determination to do what must be done.

 

I did not want to but I will still post this and hope that someone would give me feedback on it

Self Worth

Finding value in ones self is not an easy thing to do. I for one do not know my true worth, I am lost in this world. Searching, waiting for something to find me, something that is never going to just come to me and say hey I am what you seek. Yet I wait I do not move and life passes me by. I try to find things that make me think that push me further than where I am and move but not as fast as I want. I want more I want a life and I want to live it.

I have plans and thoughts, dreams ambitions and many things that can be done with effort. Yet I have not motivation to do any of it. I can become more if I just pushed harder and overcame the weakness that is within me. To rise up and grab hold of something that is solid something that is moving. I can not do this alone I can not do this without a helping hand.

Asking For your Help!

I would like who ever is reading this to go and check out and read it and if you can give me your feedback if you can not donate.

Mediwar

May 31 2006 the day I discovered a game call Mediwar. My first few post to my writing section is based on this game. When it played this game I envisioned a massive world and created it around me. I joined a clan called Elite Mediwarriors and was welcomed and my writing motivation grew more. Unfortunately depression struck hard and I lost interest in my writing and much of everything else. Anyway that aside I thought to link to this site as It is still up and running just lacks players. So if you wish to check it out the link Mediwar
You can find my profile here r0zzin