I sit here mind going to that dark place once more thinking about how the world would be better of without me and I truly believe it. As it is now I have nothing to offer nothing to share but I want to find that spark that joy that is life. I think of what could be and and hope that some day soon I can say that I have lived. Today is not that day, this day I am in a mood of hopelessness and disrepair
It is not that easy fro me to convey how my mind works or why I would like to not be alive, there is just something in me that is broken, lost and would love to fix it yet I do nothing but waste away. IF only I could see myself as more than a waste, something that is living and not a waste.
I do hope and dream. I want more than what I have as does every other person that is out there but I do not go out and do what is needed. I need help and I do receive some but I need more. Medication and therapy only do so much what is left is up to me and I am the one who sees myself as this waist so how in the world am I going to find value in something I despise.
I seek a life worth living and I will do more to achieve it but I need someone who has no reason to say “You are worth it” Without it I am just an empty shell void of any determination to do what must be done.
I did not want to but I will still post this and hope that someone would give me feedback on it igg.me/at/restart