I sit wondering what the day shall bring hoping that inspiration hits me. I ponder on many things yet nothing seams to stick into my mind as I try to think of something to do with my time. At this moment that something is to just type random things as they come to my mind. I hope that can do more with my life, pray that I can wake up from the nightmare that is my reality.
Yet it is not as easy as it should be, I question on things that should not be and wish for things that can never be. I am lost, alone afraid of what is to come. Hope is in me yet it does not surface, it lingers in the back of my mind cowering from the world that around me. I want more no I need more, to be something, to do something yet I do nothing. I am a waste.
Time, times is not on my side as I am a person that waste time someone that just sits idle as the world passes me. I am nothing more than what I make of myself and I make nothing of myself. A coward, afraid of both success and failure. I pause at the moment I see any prospect of hope. Daunting and without motivation I sit waiting for a miracle that shall never come, hoping for something to fall in place. Yet nothing ever does.
I need to rise up, to awaken yet I can not do it alone. I can not do it without help. I need help, guidance from anyone that is willing. So to any that read this please send me something anything.

A World of my Own

I am going to do it, I am going to create something that I can call my own. It shall be a grand undertaking but I will get this done. I will create my very own world. It will be for a game of course but I shall build every last detail within it. Not in a computer world but one in words. Every rock every speck of dust shall have a place in it. I will go all in on this creation leaving nothing out.

It will be a world full of magic and wonder. Of good and evil it will be a story that I can share with any that is willing to read.

Moving Forward

For some time now I have looked at what is in front of me as an obstacle that I could not overcome. Time was that i would just allow myself to suffer my own regrets and think that I am not someone worth anything, this day I find out that I was just afraid and I still am. Life is fleeting but changes take time, I see this now. With this new outlook I think it is time to change myself for the better.

I am still working on how at the moment but I know I can improve on who I am and who I shall become. I am the one controlling my life, I am the one who shall change what is to be. It is a shock that I know that I am smart, I understand my strengths and weaknesses but I just let life pass me. I shall now move on and change this and it will take time and most of all effort on my part.

Motivation is key to my success and it can no be forced as that would lead me back to my self destructive ways and I am moving past that. Hopes and dreams fill me and I see that I can not move on unless I embrace the myself with positive thoughts and ideals, no longer can I berate myself. You see I need to shed the fear,anger and self hate and rise up out of the destruction that I have caused to myself. There is no real destination only the journey forward to something new and exciting.

Even if the world dos not see value in me, well the small amount that have seen I see something that is more, something priceless.

Seven Days

As I write this there is only seven days left to my little experiment that I somehow new would not make any money. yet I think that it could at this moment there is someone out there that may just read this and say hey why not. This is a dream but it could become reality. I have not pushed as much as I needed to get this funded but it is something that I truly believe that can change my life for the better. So if you are reading this and there is time left for you to donate than please head over to and just add $1 to support me and my new outlook on life. I am truly begging you now help me help myself live a life.

If you could find it in your soul to aid me I thank you and I will prove you you that it was not a waist. I will dedicate my life to something other than self destruction.