I live

It has been sometime since I have written anything here not that anyone reads it but it is for me anyway.

I am alive, still not living “My Best Life” but I am working on it, or at least one that I am happy with.

Can’t do it alone yet I still live in my shell keeping people at arm’s length. Working on this also. Working on a lot of things, most just wishful thinking and hopes and dreams and nothing solid or good for my mental health.


I dream and pray to win the lotto like so many others. Not sure why money can only do so much and it will not do what I truly want. I just think I can do so much with it, good intentions. A quote that comes to mind: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  Yet I do think I will do good things with it. I will not be greedy, will not be too giving also. I will do my best if I won to find a middle ground, what that entails I’m still uncertain on.


I still seek a handout as you can tell. I want the world to give and not work for it all. Sigh. Not sure why… laziness or I am and just don’t wish to truly admit it.  But I live I learn and I do my best to live a life that is… who am I kidding I am just a waste of space. Good day.


I Must

I must be strong

I must not give in I must strive to do better to overcome my own limits. Each day is not my last I will live to fight on, to rise above the limits I lay before me.

There are times I am low, so low that even I can not see the sky, but in those moments I must persevere. I am but one soul on this rock that we call earth and even I know I have limits.

I must be Willing

I can not just think I need to act to move past my inhibitions and take hold of this world. A lot has changed since my last post and most of it is for the better yet I can not move past my self loathing unless I am willing.




I am not sure where I am going or what I will do with my life but I do know that I am worth more.



I sit wondering what the day shall bring hoping that inspiration hits me. I ponder on many things yet nothing seams to stick into my mind as I try to think of something to do with my time. At this moment that something is to just type random things as they come to my mind. I hope that can do more with my life, pray that I can wake up from the nightmare that is my reality.
Yet it is not as easy as it should be, I question on things that should not be and wish for things that can never be. I am lost, alone afraid of what is to come. Hope is in me yet it does not surface, it lingers in the back of my mind cowering from the world that around me. I want more no I need more, to be something, to do something yet I do nothing. I am a waste.
Time, times is not on my side as I am a person that waste time someone that just sits idle as the world passes me. I am nothing more than what I make of myself and I make nothing of myself. A coward, afraid of both success and failure. I pause at the moment I see any prospect of hope. Daunting and without motivation I sit waiting for a miracle that shall never come, hoping for something to fall in place. Yet nothing ever does.
I need to rise up, to awaken yet I can not do it alone. I can not do it without help. I need help, guidance from anyone that is willing. So to any that read this please send me something anything.

Hope: PCH Set For Life

For the first time in a long time I feel alive, hopeful and full of joy. I dream of something that I hope will come true, something I want, need and deserve. Something that will set me free from my financial restraints. Yet I know it is a dream a miracle even. And I do pray that it will come to pass yet I do not let the ideal control me.I want this more than I can say in words, even without wining I know I am blessed
Yet I sit here hopping, dreaming awaiting for the moment to see of “What If” that time where I can be free that moment of truth moment that more than likely will not come for me yet I still hope and long for it to come.
I must remain positive, keep my head up and dream a dream that most will say is impossible or even delusional yet I hope, pray and dream that it will come to pass.
I can not say for certain what I will do if I win but I believe it will be wonderful to find out.
God please hear me, please find it within you to give me the opportunity to do great things.

School and My Own Business: PCH Week Four

PCH 7,000 a Week Set For Life
Week four a full month of an estimated $21,000 and wow to think about that. It is a lot of money when you are living off food stamps and your grandmother. So here is hoping that I can get this and put it to good use. Considering there are many people who do not even make that in a year and if I won I would get it each month, It is just wow.
A dream and a wish all wrapped into one and I know that I will not let it go to my head. If the day comes I will put each week into more than myself.

Foundation for the Future
Once week four shows up I will look into using it to start a foundation of learning and businesses to share with others what I have. I would found no-profit organizations to just researching charities to donate money to. I would hire a few people and be able to offer them a decent yearly salary just off the money I get from this sweepstakes.
I would need to get some education under my belt to be able to learn what is needed to well keep track of a lot of things and well there will be a lot of work even if I am “set for life” from winning I would not just do nothing, I would do even more than I do now, a lot more.

So Much More
Like I said I would not be doing nothing I would find something to focus on and each week after this would be an adventure. I know I will splurge on thing that are not needed but the main focus I will have is to find people who need the money more than I do and make sure they can use it in a way that fits. The dream of $7,000 a week is just unfathomable, it is just too much for one person. And I will not be the only one who benefits from it so God if you see me please hear me and give me a changed to become something more.